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SUMMARY:Relationships Advice: Custody of a Troubled Teenager - Speaker to 
 be confirmed
DTSTART:20210309T110000Z
DTEND:20210309T120000Z
UID:TALK158101@talks.cam.ac.uk
CONTACT:Sam
DESCRIPTION:*Dear Loveawake*: My husband and I are happily married for 5 y
 ears now and we are blessed with 2 beautiful daughters\, aged 3 and 19 mon
 ths. The problem is my husband's sister\, a single parent\, is dying of ca
 ncer and she has 2 kids\, a boy\, 15 and a girl\, 10. She is his only sibl
 ing and she wants us to have the custody of her kids. I have no problem ta
 king in her daughter\, but my fear is about the boy. He is really bad news
 . I mean\, he not only uses foul language\, he beats up on his sister\, fi
 ghts with his mom\, watches porn\, smokes and I wouldn't be surprised if h
 e is taking drugs. My sister-in-law is slipping away and her son is really
  out of control. Every time they visit\, he would bring porn tapes into ou
 r house and even after we confronted him\, he wouldn't mind us and still t
 ried to sneak them in. We caught him trying to log into porn sites with ou
 r internet account and when my husband confronted him\, he lied and said t
 hat they are just pop-ups and it was not his fault. My husband is really t
 orn within because his sister\, who is 15 years older than him\, had been 
 like a mom to him all his life\, taking care of him when he was a child an
 d doing things a mother should do. Their own mother\, also a single parent
 \, worked all the time and she is in her 60's now and she lives with us an
 d takes care of our kids while my husband and I both work full-time. My mo
 ther-in-law is really putting a lot of guilt on my husband talking about h
 ow family sticks together\, etc. but she is really blind to her only grand
 son's actions. We have tried to talk to her but she thinks this is what al
 l teenagers do and all he needs is a father figure in his life. But person
 ally\, I think he is beyond that. He needs to be in a boot camp or somethi
 ng. I am really afraid of the possibility that he might rape our daughters
  or even kill us in our sleep. My husband said that if we turn him away\, 
 he will end up on the street and either kill or be killed. Personally\, I 
 would be less afraid if I didn't have two young toddlers at home who are t
 otally defenseless and can be easily influenced by his cursing all the tim
 e. The boy does not respect or listen to anybody and we really don't know 
 what to do with him. My sister-in-law has about 2-3 months to live and she
  needs to make out her will but her position is either\, take both of my k
 ids and keep them together or the deal is off. Am I selfish in denying her
  dying wish after all that she did for my husband\, or should we just take
  her "ticking bomb" son in and hope for the best?? Please help!! - Jill\n\
 n!https://images.unsplash.com/photo-1495095212213-8f0421dc19a5?ixid=MXwxMj
 A3fDB8MHxwaG90by1wYWdlfHx8fGVufDB8fHw%3D&ixlib=rb-1.2.1&auto=format&fit=cr
 op&w=1050&q=80!\n\nText and Image Copyright Notice. Published under co
 pyright by "Loveawake North Carolina":https://www.loveawake.com/free-onli
 ne-dating/United-States/state-of-North-Carolina.html\nCopyright 2010-2021.
  All rights reserved.\n\n*Dear Jill*: This is a very difficult situation 
 that you are in\, but I really can't see you taking in a child who is so o
 ut of control. Whatever he is doing now will only get worse when his mothe
 r dies. I can't imagine the pain this young man is going through but I don
 't believe that you are equipped psychologically to handle this type of ch
 ild. You would need years of training to take on this type of responsibili
 ty. This is truly a decision of what will feel "less bad." Either decision
  you make\, will not feel good. If it was just you and your husband\, I th
 ink I would guide you differently\, but since you have more than just the 
 two of you to consider\, I think that you would be subjecting your own chi
 ldren to a dangerous individual as well as his friends. Usually\, as the s
 aying goes\, "Birds of a feather\, stick together." The 10 year old deserv
 es a chance but your sister-in-law is making this an impossible situation 
 by demanding that this be a package deal. I think you are going to have to
  be honest with her and tell her that you have decided that you cannot han
 dle the 15 year old. Even if he has not been part of this boy's life\, you
  should try and contact his biological father\, who is really responsible 
 for him and should be involved in his future. If not\, you will have to lo
 ok into a good program (boot camp) that could possibly shape him up. If th
 ere are no other relatives or alternatives\, then perhaps your husband's m
 om could move in with these children for the next few years. You would the
 n either have to find live-in help\, or quit your job to stay home with yo
 ur children. I do not think your marriage can survive two full-time workin
 g parents\, a disturbed teenager\, a newly acquired 10 year old\, a live-i
 n mother-in-law and two children under the age of 4. You do not want to fo
 llow in the footsteps of his sister and mom. You'll need to be the strong 
 one here because someone has to be looking at this from a rational point o
 f view. In this case\, following your heart will lead to disaster. It will
  be interesting to hear what our subscribers think. - Loveawake
LOCATION:Venue to be confirmed
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